Marilyn’s Journey

tamara

“Your wings were ready but my heart was not” 

dscf3428

I was and am an everyday woman, mother, and wife who as a parent lost her perfectly healthy born baby girl at the age of eight years. Unexpectedly in 1986, Tamara was diagnosed with a rare and at that time untreatable condition. One in 2-3 million odds of it occurring and Tamara died in early 1987. Still today there is no answer to why or what caused the bone marrow in Tamara’s body to switch off.

Briefly, the nightmare began after seeing a Doctor and being reassured that she was presenting with a treatable condition and with the treatment, she would be fine. I remember seeing the specialist within the next day or two with her father, and within an hour we were told that she was dying and there was no cure.

The old saying of, “having the rug pulled out from under your feet.” I shall never forget that day. Slowly and excruciatingly the threads of life slowly unravelled until no threads of hope were left to cling too.

I, fortunately, was able to stay in the hospital ward with her almost every day and I slept in a lounge chair beside her for the next six months. Praying and begging every day that they would take me and leave her to live.

Yes, I was already on my grief journey.

Sadly, I witnessed parents whose baby or young child was either extremely ill or dying.

Parents whom I made a special bond with during those months requested I stay with them while their child took their last breath. Then and today I still cannot express how honoured and humbled I was in sharing such a sacred part of their lives.

Finally, arrangements were made for Tamara to be brought home for her last days. Thankful she could be surrounded by her family and die at home.

All that beauty of an innocent child gone from your life.

Today, however, I feel blessed that I at least have many cherished memories from those eight years of her life.

 

 

quote reference: www.wingsofhopelivingforward.org